Saying NO from the heart
The ultimate goal of dating & intimate relationships is to reach an enthusiastic, heart-expanding, mutual YES!
But—you won’t be able to reach that full YES until you master your NO.
Saying NO—to unwanted dates, sexual acts, relationships, or scripts— is something many of my clients struggle with. But it’s an essential skill in finding and growing loving relationships. Why?
Saying NO to what we don’t want clears space in our lives for what we TRULY do want!
Saying NO when we aren’t fully enthusiastic releases other people from our fake, or half-hearted YES, and gives them the freedom to pursue their own true YES.
Our ability to voice a clear and loving NO sets us and others free from untruth.
In other words, it’s the KIND thing to do! Clarity = kindness.
There’s a variety of reasons that can make saying NO a scary thing:
We are afraid that saying NO will lead to loneliness
We dislike hurting someone’s feelings
We have been socialized to be polite and to people-please rather than to be authentic
We are confused about what our YES and our NO even are
We feel that saying NO is unsafe (we might have been punished for it at some point)
We don’t know how to say NO without shutting down emotionally and feeling disconnected
These obstacles can be overcome with mindful awareness and practice. We can learn to say NO in a way that feels safe, grounded, caring, and connected.
For example, you can enroll a trusted friend into this powerful exercise: Take turns making hypothetical requests from one another (ask for a hug, for a date, for a kiss, etc.) and say “no”, or “no, thank you” from the heart to each one—even if you feel like saying yes. Feel into how that NO reverberates in your body, and visualize expressing your NO from the center of your chest—and integrating care, connection, and kindness. Practicing this skill in a safe, controlled environment can make it easier to say NO to a date when it feels vulnerable.
Do you struggle with discerning your YES from your NO? Do you want the ability to say NO from a loving & authentic space? Do you want to stop people-pleasing and become more honest with yourself and others?
Let’s explore what your heart truly desires and establish heart-centered & empowering communication strategies to lead you to YES!
Love,
Marie xo
