Ghosting and the Stages of Grief
Dear Friends & Relationship Enthusiasts,
I had an epiphany the other day: being ghosted in dating can stir up the same cycle of emotions we might feel after losing a loved one.
When someone disappears without explanation, it’s not just the absence of the person that hurts—it’s the rupture of meaning. It’s the unanswered story our nervous system keeps trying to finish. And just like grief, the process unfolds in stages:
Denial. We catch ourselves thinking, “They’ll text back… this isn’t really happening.” We refresh our phones, reread old messages, tell ourselves there must be a reason for the silence.
Anger. Then comes the frustration: “Seriously? After everything, they just disappear?” The anger is self-protective, yet it stings.
Bargaining. This is when we think, “If I reach out again, maybe I’ll get clarity…”—even though part of us already knows the door is closed.
Sadness. Eventually, the ache of loss settles in. We might grieve the potentials that could have been, the intimacy and hope we felt. Often, the sadness is tainted with self-doubt. “Was it me? Why am I not worth an explanation?” This is the tender part—the hollow feeling, when our system is craving something that isn’t there.
Acceptance. Finally, the quiet truth: “Their silence is an answer. I need to accept reality.” It’s the moment we actually start letting go of control; we stop waiting for someone else to write the ending of this story, and give ourselves some peace and closure.
***
What makes ghosting so painful isn’t just that someone left—it’s that they left without words. Our brains are wired for stories, for resolution. When we don’t get that, the silence makes us feel powerless and throws us for a loop.
It breaks our sense of narrative coherence—the inner storyline that keeps us steady and connected (check out my blog on Narrative Coherence and Mindful Dating).
Healing begins when we allow each stage to move through us—naming the denial, the anger, the bargaining, the sadness—without self-judgment. This process is about reclaiming the dignity we feel we were robbed of.
And then choosing, again and again, to give ourselves the gift of closure—to reclaim our own sense of narrative coherence.
Being ghosted is a very particular type of pain. If you're going through this right now, know that your hurt and confusion makes sense. And also, know that you are in a position to grow stronger roots within yourself: roots of self-respect, self-honoring, and surrender to what you cannot control.
In a way, it is a position where you may develop a stronger trust with yourself and with life, rather than becoming cynical, hardened, or jaded.
Sending you love and gratitude for being part of my life,
Marie xo
